You Only Live, Like, Twice

Update: This story is also available as audio version.

Dying was not cool. Like, it totally hurt. A lot. I knew we shouldn’t have gotten on that dodgy looking roller coaster. But there was no way I was going to stay on the ground while Madison clung to Aidan, pretending to be all scared. She likes to play the innocent one. Like when Aidan’s big brother had gotten us that box of sangria. She was like, “Look how drunk I am. Look how I can’t control myself.” And Aidan totally fell for it. Couldn’t see her for what she was. Aidan is innocent like that.

After I died, they told me I would become someone’s subconsciousness or something. Help guide them through life. Like I can influence them and stuff. Make them do good things. They did seem a bit worried. Thought I might be too inexperienced. I guess that’s not something Madison heard a lot.

Speaking of Madison. She is going to be so jealous. Serves her right for kicking me off the cheerleading squad. I thought we were friends. And then she gets all worked up because she found out Aidan and I were making out. Like she never did anything wrong!

They told me everyone gets that second chance. I hope she got the breeder working the cashier at Sunny’s. Would serve her right. At least they’ll have the same fashion sense. And she can help him hook up with the easy ones. They’ll be a great team.

When they first placed me into someone, I was pissed. Like, really? That’s the only guy you have? Some old dude? Is he a creep or something? But he did have a dope house, and people around him were all bowing and stuff. I guess it could have been worse. Probably because he owned a country. A country that’s named after a bird, but still. I kept thinking of the cashier at Sunny’s.

If only there were a way to tell who is who. I would have loved to mess with Madison. Well, at least I would have tried to get him to do it. Which was a lot harder than I thought. The guy had some serious dough. I was totally going to ask him to put up billboards everywhere and diss Madison. She would know who sent that. But apparently the old bear wasn’t having any of it.

I tried a few things. He didn’t seem that interested in clothes. Dude was like the king of this place, you totally need to dress the part. But no. Always dressed like some cubicle drone. What’s the point of ruling a country if you can’t put some fashionable swank on? I wish had gotten one of those dictator dudes in Africa. They know how to dress up proper.

Took me some time to find out how to actually make him do the stuff I want. At first, I could only make him do things when he kinda wanted to do them himself. Like he had to be riled up good – then I could push him over the edge. Maybe that was some kind of safety thing. I don’t know.

But when that Bonerman dude was dissing us with that poem, that was it. I got him riled up good. We’ll show him who he’s messing with. I said, “Let’s put him on a roller coaster.” But that seems to be harder than I thought. Apparently the alternative meant getting lawyers and judges and stuff. Whatever.